Offensive Occasions is a wee business, based in Glasgow, started by a woman with a dream of doing something that makes her happy. Gotta have a big dream, right? I’ve always wanted to have my own business but before I knew it, I’d turned 45. One minute I was downing cheap AF cider from the bottle in a field with my mates listening to The Stone Roses with not a worry in the world. Next minute I’m plucking my muzzy, crossing my legs when I cough or sneeze and turning into my Mum. It’s one of those ‘if not now, when?’ moments for me. I’ve been thinking about this for ages but this year I finally put my massive-big-girl undies on and took the leap. I’m not going to lie, I’m pooping those massive pants, but I am also so excited for the possibilities.
We are not a massive, faceless chain. We are not churning out millions of the same card. We use local printers. We are as responsible and sustainable as we possibly can be.
Offensive Occasions create cards to make folk laugh. That’s our aim. It’s not rocket science. You know your bestie is a bitch, they know they’re a bitch, but it doesn’t hurt to remind them of that at every opportunity you get. Your sister is an absolute queen – tell her with one of our cards. You love your brother even though he’s a total wanker – tell him. One of your friends is a massive twat – tell them on their birthday. You want to shag your partner silly – ditch the sexting … go old school and send a card.
We love creating our ranges. I have endless inspiration because I like to swear. A lot. I love swearing. I drop the C-bomb on a regular basis. I’m crass – I probably need my mouth washing out with soap. I shock myself sometimes. I’m the ‘sweary’ pal. Why waste time with words and explanations when a ‘f**k this s**t’ says it all. We want to grow with the awesome people who show impeccable taste and buy cards from us. We want to be your ‘go-to’ website for cards.
We want to offer a brilliant range of cards with a personal touch (I don’t mean I am going to actually touch you all personally as that is wrong). Follow our socials – share the shit out of them. Tell your friends about us. Give us your ideas. Are we missing a trick? Is there anything we could do better? Do you have a picture of a massive, chonker of a cat that you would like to share with us (pictures of chonking cats are always welcome by the way!)
Make someone piss themselves with laughter. Bask in the glowing glory of knowing you are doing your bit to support a woman who needs money for gin and snacks.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY TO OFFENDING YOUR NEAREST AND DEAREST. WE’RE PROUD OF YOU!